Notes on a Colonoscopy

You'll be happy to know I have a very clean colon.  Not even a polyp.   Scientific proof that I am not full of sh*t.

I think I am immune to Demerol* because I was awake and coherent the whole time.  I was watching on the screen and it was awesome!  Like a  twisted Disneyland ride floating through undulating, pink-walled tunnels.  You never knew what was around the next corner! 

(*I might be impervious to narcotics in general.  I took Vicodin once for pain and it did absolutely nothing for me.)

One of my nurses was named Jeff and looked exactly like Chong from the Cheech & Chong films - except Jeff's beard was longer and more scraggly.

At one point in the middle of ... um... the journey, Jeff left the room and another guy came in.  I looked at him and said, "Who invited you?"  He laughed and the doctor said, "You're funny."

The procedure was not painful at all and there was only a teeny-tiny amount of discomfort near the end.

The worst part of the whole thing was that while I was waiting in the recovery area, I suddenly became very nauseous and broke into a cold sweat.  Then I threw up the only thing I had consumed that day - a few sips of water.  They said it was probably the Demerol (not so immune, I guess.)  After that I felt much better.

So the lesson, kids, is that if you are supposed to get a colonoscopy, just go ahead and do it.  It's really not a big deal.  And you can always ask them to load you up on the meds if you are nervous and not interested in watching the ride through Mucosa Wonderland.