Diplomacy

At work.
I get an email from a coworker requesting that I write a letter for him and send some materials to a prospective customer.

My first thought:
I am not your monkey.
Write your own stinking letter.

There is no reason he can't write his own letter. None at all. He has a good grasp of the English language and knows how to use a computer. Have to nip this one in the bud or I'll be doing all sorts of stupid crap for him.

So my diplomatic reply is:
Why don't you write the letter and I'll gather up the materials to send?

Can't you just feel the cheerfulness oozing out of that sentence?

He wrote his own letter.

There's a customer on the phone. One of our designs shows just a portion of a table with a cloth over it.  It is really just the edge of the table. There are dark and light shadows underneath the tiny part of table that does show. She wants to know what is under the table. She really needs to know.

My first thought:
Are you out of your mind?
Do you really have that much time on your hands that you can worry yourself about things like that?
Holy crap, lady - SNAP OUT OF IT!

My diplomatic response:
I have no idea what is under the table. We can erase that part out of the picture, if you would like us to.

I seem nice on the outside, but evidently my uncensored thoughts are not so nice. Like a chocolate-covered espresso bean. Looks good on the outside and at first it seems sweet. But when you get to the center, it's all dark and bitter.